Here I am...a young Black girl raised by a bomb single mother from little ole Dunbar who got accepted into 7 PhD programs. Yet, when I tell people that I am starting school at Brown University this fall, the first thing that people say to me is, “Wow. Is Tay moving with you? What is he going to do?”

I spent several months preparing applications for graduate programs, got accepted to several programs only for people to not even say congratulations, but ask me how my boyfriend was feeling and what was he going to do.

And unfortunately, society has conditioned us to think like that...that marriage & relationships are the center of the world and that everything should be secondary to that.

NEWSFLASH: I’m so sorry to tell y’all but women are allowed to aspire to be more than a wife or mother!!!!

Yep, I said it.

While I love my boyfriend & hope to be married to him one day, I am very clear with him about who I am. I don’t let him forget that I am WHOLE without him. Although he is a great partner, I don’t need him and will never allow him to stand in the way of my own goals and dreams. In our relationship, we put God first, ourselves second and each other third. That's right, in my life God is first, I am second and he comes in third. That may be a hard concept for some to understand, but thank God we didn’t ask for anyone’s opinions (although y’all love giving that anyway).

I’ve had several friends come to me over the last few months to ask how I felt about Tay not planning to move with me & I told all of them that I didn’t care. None of them believed me. They were convinced that I was lying to myself to deal with my own guilt. However, they were wrong. I honestly don’t care.

Valente' is blessed to be at a school and in a district that he loves, feels supported and has ample opportunities for growth. He deserves to stay at that school and do what he loves to do everyday. But you know who else deserves to do that too? ME!

I am a very ambitious and driven person. Anyone who knows me that I view my strong sense of tenacity & my work ethic as one of my greatest strengths. I am adamant in the pursuit of my dreams and I refuse to let anyone or anything stand in the way of that, a boyfriend included. Since undergrad, I have longed to get a PhD & am very excited about finally having the opportunity to do so.

My relationship is probably one of the most unconventional & non-gender conforming ones that I know. No one fully understands us and that’s okay because, that’s our business. *Tabitha Brown voice*

However, I do want to change the narrative that women can’t be badasses too. From an early age, young women are groomed to believe that we must always follow the lead of a man, that we have to always make decisions with the family unit in mind ...but who thinks about us? Who encourages us to be all that we want to be & more? No one. There isn’t enough people out here telling young women that they don’t have to dim their own light to make men’s light shine brighter, but I, my friends am here to tell you....

Men are nice. They are cool and I never want to understate the value that Valente’ brings to my life, but I am quick to tell him and will gladly tell you...bayybbeee, you don’t stop no show!

The goals, the dreams and the vision must go on, with or without him. And even if our long distance relationship doesn’t work out when I move, I’ll have no regrets and take great pride in knowing that I chose me.

Plus, how many men can say their girlfriends are out here in PhD programs? That’s his favorite thing to tell people these days lol

So when you see a women out here grinding, doing the damn thing, being the breadwinner of her family, getting multiple degrees, having businesses, & truly living out her goals and dreams, don’t you dare fix your mouth to ask her about nan man or kids (because it’s still f*** them kids)...tell that woman CONGRATULATIONS, tell her you’re proud of her, tell her she’s doing the damn thing, tell her something, but leave your comments and questions about her ring finger & uterus out of it.

Let’s encourage women to be their truly best self, to live out their purpose, to work hard to accomplish all of the goals they have in life & show them that being a girlfriend, a fiancé, a wife or mother is not the end all, be all of life.

Peace. Love. Rose.